Hakuna Matata

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Reblogged from lkknight07
I was just thinking about some of the vicious cycles that I go through constantly, and continually put myself through, wondering why they always happen… and this came into my feed. Good timing for me.  And maybe I’ll never fully understand why I get so excited for things, then am cranky and a bitch, especially with those closest to me. Why am I so mean to those that I love the most? And then wonder why they don’t like me or don’t want to be closer to me. Which comes first, or causes the other, feeling left out or being distant, quiet, and curt? When I’m in these situations, I get so mad that I vow not to talk to them or put forth an effort anymore. And then I regret it all the second they’re gone. It’s a vicious cycle. And it terrifies me that someday they will be gone for good and I will really hate myself for not enjoying every single moment with them. Why can’t I relax and be happy in the moment? Is it the fear of losing our childhood or family, or that I’m accepting the fact that some people aren’t as nice or loving as I’ve always given them credit to be? Realizing that I put in more effort, and then am consistently disappointed when they don’t reciprocate? Realizing that some people I’ve always admired really are just self-centered assholes? Or are moving on in their lives, without me? Or just being themselves, and I can’t let them and not be embarrassed or take things personally. But then is that real life… are people just going to care about themselves more, move on with their lives, relationships, and careers, and that’s why you feel left out? I think so. I think I just have trouble accepting these big changes and need to stop living in the past. Some things are over and will never be the same.  Now I just need to accept some of these things, work it out, and make sure I “choose where to go from there.”   

I was just thinking about some of the vicious cycles that I go through constantly, and continually put myself through, wondering why they always happen… and this came into my feed. Good timing for me.  And maybe I’ll never fully understand why I get so excited for things, then am cranky and a bitch, especially with those closest to me. Why am I so mean to those that I love the most? And then wonder why they don’t like me or don’t want to be closer to me. Which comes first, or causes the other, feeling left out or being distant, quiet, and curt? When I’m in these situations, I get so mad that I vow not to talk to them or put forth an effort anymore. And then I regret it all the second they’re gone. It’s a vicious cycle. And it terrifies me that someday they will be gone for good and I will really hate myself for not enjoying every single moment with them. Why can’t I relax and be happy in the moment? Is it the fear of losing our childhood or family, or that I’m accepting the fact that some people aren’t as nice or loving as I’ve always given them credit to be? Realizing that I put in more effort, and then am consistently disappointed when they don’t reciprocate? Realizing that some people I’ve always admired really are just self-centered assholes? Or are moving on in their lives, without me? Or just being themselves, and I can’t let them and not be embarrassed or take things personally. But then is that real life… are people just going to care about themselves more, move on with their lives, relationships, and careers, and that’s why you feel left out? I think so. I think I just have trouble accepting these big changes and need to stop living in the past. Some things are over and will never be the same. 

Now I just need to accept some of these things, work it out, and make sure I “choose where to go from there.”   

(Source: lkknight07, via imgfave)

Notes

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